The Bill of No Rights
(Note: I read this years ago - circa 1998 - it was actually written by Libertarian writer and former U.S. Senate candidate Lewis Napper even though it was widely – and wrongly – reported as being written by Rep. Mitchell Kaye)
We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, prmote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves, and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common-sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden, and deluded. We hold these truths to be self-evident, that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights:
Article I
You do NOT have the right to a new car, big screen TV, the biggest and fastest new computer, or any other form of wealth. This government is not in the business of guaranteeing these luxuries.
Article II
You do NOT have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom and that means freedom for everyone – not just you. You may leave the room, change the channel, express a different opinion and so on, but the world is full of idiots and probably always will be.
Article III
You do NOT have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful. Do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy because of your stupidity or lack of skill.
Article IV
You do NOT have the right to free food and lodging. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are growning weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of couch potatoes.
Article V
You do NOT have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you in prison or in the electric chair.
Article VI
You do NOT have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you up.
Article VII
You do NOT have the right to a job regardless of race, creed, sexual preference or religion. Take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful and self-supporting. Don't expect a free ride from the government or your community.
Article VIII
You do NOT have the right to happiness. Being an American means you have the right to pursue happiness. Make your own happiness. Don't sit there and wait for it to be given to you.
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